Is love supposed to be unconditional- Respect and boundaries in the Sandeep Vanga world

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Recently, Sandeep Reddy Vanga, director of the 'Animal,' gave a statement that if one can't slap, kiss or use cuss words towards their partner whenever one wants to, it is not love, that is he "doesn't see emotions there." It is uncertain whether it was his personal beliefs or he said it for negative publicity, but going by his past movies, I'd say he really means it.

This brings us to the question - is love supposed to be unconditional? Does there not exist boundaries in love, especially for people with a mindset similar to this director?

I don't believe that love can be unconditional, surely not between friends or a couple. Some say a mother's love for her child is unconditional, maybe. But don't these mothers (let us include fathers too) expect respectful behaviour from their kids once they are old enough to understand mannerisms?

Respect is the foundation of love of any kind. If you don't respect them, you can't love someone either. Respect includes treating them with courtesy, and accepting them for what they are, and there is no place for abuse. Care, loyalty, understanding, empathy are the other pillars on which love stands. Many state that these are the responsibilities that come with love/relationship, but isn't doing all these a choice? When one is in a long-term friendship/relationship, one chooses to love them for who they are, care for them, try to understand them and choose to not cheat on them. Even when the boredom kicks in and the sparks temporarily fade away, one will choose to love their friend/partner all over again and not cheat them. 

Abuse is often perceived as only physical or sexual. Psychological or emotional abuse is the starting point of abuse in a lot of cases, which includes name calling, humiliation, constant criticism, shaming, gaslighting, love bombarding, exclusion or over-possessive. Financial abuse, like forcing one (mostly women) to quit their job, micromanaging finances and spending is also abuse. In the cases of psychological abuse, victims themselves don't realize they are being abused until much later (when they start to learn more about it and its signs).

Every person has things they are comfortable with and not comfortable with. They do not want others to do something they are not comfortable with. These are boundaries they don't want others to cross and this applies to everyone, not just family, friends or their partner. Boundaries change as per the relationship they share with a person, which needs to be made clear from the get-go. These boundaries may seem strange to others, but the boundaries are the result of one's life experiences.

Children (especially till the age of 10-13) may not know exactly what is best/safe for them, so parents have the right to set boundaries for their kid's well-being and safety. Some parents ask their family and acquaintances to not feed their kids chocolate, not kiss their child or not post photos of their kids on their social media, which has to be respected by others. Once the child is old enough to set boundaries (or even at a younger age), even parents have to respect their kid's boundaries. This can be seen in the series Wednesday, where she didn't like to be hugged. Though her father and brother violated it, her mother respected her daughter's boundaries and didn't hug her against her wishes. 

Unfortunately, in Indian settings too, people often violate these boundaries, either set by the person, a kid or a child's parents. Many elders infringe on the parents' boundaries by saying they have raised kids too and they turned out fine, while many don't even bother listening to the child's wishes. Some kiss the babies and play with them all they want, and when the baby grows up and does not allow it, they get offended. Though this previous example was not exactly for a relationship, boundaries are to be respected by everyone. Slap, cuss words and calling names are nothing but disrespect and are as distant from love as Arctic is from Antartica. 

There are some situations, times or places where one may not be comfortable to hug or kiss their partner and forcing it on them is just harassment (when they've made it clear at that moment or before). Lets take example of this year's best Bollywood movie (at least in my opinion)- Satyaprem Ki Katha. Katha was not comfortable kissing and getting intimate with Taran, yet he went on to rape her. On the other hand, Satyaprem, though frustrated after a while, respected Katha's boundaries. Though he went on to file a case against her wishes and crossed a line there, he was respectful towards her and her wishes. Satyaprem was not just a green flag but a whole rainforest. 

It still baffles me how movies like Kabir Singh, Arjun Reddy and Animal go on to become a blockbuster while movies like Satyaprem Ki Katha are underappreciated. When I watched Kabir Singh in the theatre, I just felt like throwing my shoes on the screen (on Kabir) or leaving the theatre. The above films are not even suitable for older teens, who are impressionable audiences. Many say that Animal is just an entertaining movie with great visuals and acting. How is misogyny and gore violence entertaining, while in real life, women face its consequences? Many teen viewers get inspired by such movies and treat their girlfriends, mothers and sisters in the same manner that they saw on screen. These characters are red carpets and not just a red flag.

So no, love was never meant to be unconditional and surely never between friends or a couple. It stands on certain responsibilities and boundaries, which have to be taken care of. Only when one chooses to respect and love their partner (and their boundaries), care for them and not cheat on them, every single day, is love. Otherwise, it is just abuse. 

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Why age-appropriate sex education now is a must for minors about consent and boundaries