To marry and to have kid or not, it's a woman's personal choice

After Karnataka's health minister Dr.K Sudhakar's comment on woman not wanting to get married and not wanting to have kids, much in a judgemental and shaming way, this raises another question- why do we feel it's valid to interfere in woman's personal choices about marriage and kids, like we own their bodies? 

It's okay if one wishes to get married at some point and wish to have kids. But it's also okay to -

• not wish to get married and not have kids
• or get married and not have kids
• or not get married and have kids.

 As long as the individual consents to it, is willing to take the risks associated and responsibilities that come with marriage and kids, and are informed about the pros and cons of each choice.

It's not only the western influence because of which woman wishes to not get married and not have kids. Now a days, even many men do not ever wish to get married or have kids. And as long as you want it, are informed about the pros and cons and are willing to take the risks associated with every choice, and the responsibility of their decision.

It's the recent financial independency which gives woman the freedom to take the decisions which suits them and works for them. Till a few decades back, woman didn't have much financial independence, so their opinions and decisions weren't that much respected in families and societies. But with financial independence, education and social media, woman can compare the choices and see what works for them. What they want and which decision's responsibility they are willing to take. 

As about woman in previous generations, maybe they wouldn't have wanted to get married. Or have children. But due to no financial independence to most of the woman, they couldn't stand up for their decisions, and families would blow off their opinions. And already married woman wouldn't get to get a divorce from an unhappy or abusive marriage because of financial dependency on their husbands or marital family. One of the India's legends Lata Mangeshkar never married and have achieved a lot in her career.

It's a person's choice whether they wish to get married or not and to have kids or not. Both can be beautiful experiences if the person wants it taking all the pros and cons, and the responsibility of the decision. But it can also become one of the worse or empty experiences if one is forced into them, regardless of person's gender. 

Marriage doesn't form a woman's identity. Nor do woman owe anyone babies. Its her own choice if she wants to have kid(s) or not, and through what process.

Marriage and kids are one of the life's biggest commitments and responsibilities, so if any person isn't ready for it or/and doesn't want it, they shouldn't be shamed or forced into it either. Marriage and parenthood, like everything, isn't perfect. It has its own pros and cons. 

As about the surrogate comment, the minister should know that not everyone can just go for opting surrogacy services. Opting for surrogacy services comes with some indications or eligibility criterias, as said by Dr Yuvraj Jadeja, a gynaecologist and fertility expert who has helped hundreds of couples complete their families with surrogacy. To know about the indications or eligibility criterias for opting surrogacy services, click here. Being a health minister, he should have researched about it before commenting on it. 

Also as we are at it, a woman also has the right to decide if she wishes to abort the foetus or not incase of accidental or high-risk pregnancy.

Before getting married, people should make it clear to the prospective partners if they wish to have kids or not, possibly how many, and through what process- i.e biological child of their own or adoption. If the plans align with many other things required in a marriage, they can go forward. Or else stop it there because future together wouldn't be possible together, without shaming or judging the other one for different choices.

To get married or not, to have kid or not, is a woman's choice. Well it's a person's basic freedom to choose what works for them, but in majority of the cases, its woman who are shamed when they choose not to get married or have kids. It's a person's personal life, whether they wish to get married or not, irrespective of gender, religion, caste, age, sexual preferences (homosexual marriages should be legalized in India asap! And they should be allowed to have kids as a couple) etc. Getting married, having a child is a personal choice and we as a society need to learn to respect people's personal life and decisions. And not acting like we own another person's body and decisions, even if they are your spouse, kids or another family member. 

We do not want another Taliban in India in form of such uneducated, corrupted or bigot ministers, regardless that some of them even have a Dr behind their name.

Image Source- Author Ravinder Singh's Instagram handle