Respect your kid's privacy

'Let me check your phone."
"I wanna see your messages, social media, and your gallery."
"Do not close and lock your door."
"What privacy does a kid even needs?"
"Update me everywhere you go or else I'll appoint some detective to look over you."
"Do not make friends from people of opposite gender."
'No getting into any relationships and surely not in teenage or younger years."

These are more often statement by parents. These statements and this kind of intrusive behaviour often leads to some mental and personality development issues in the kids. I'm gonna write this blog post from both a kid's feelings/ thoughts and psychological reasoning behind it.

Intrusive or helicopter parenting often leads to kids not to understand healthy boundaries. They are not able to say no to someone. They don't know when to reveal something personal and when not to. They might not be able to say no and can land up themselves in some legal issues. What if their peers ask them to try alcohol, smoking or drugs? Would you be okay that your kid cannot stand up for themselves, and get them into any issues or addictions (or try these substances anyway)? Also, the kid start getting frustrated and with time, most of the time, become rebellious. If this kind of kids has been going through helicopter or intrusive parenting from a young age, they often grow as an unconfident adult with low self-esteem issues.

You have no right to check your kid's phone or personal diary. I know most probably you pay for it, but it is their personal space. Chats, photos, social media, any physical or digital diary etc. It is their personal space. If they have a lock on their phone, do not ask them to give you the password or give one to you after unlocking. There is lock for reason of privacy (they could be hiding something wrong, but not all do that). If you think they are into bad habits, observe their behaviour, see any signs and symptoms of any substance abuse or any kind of bad influence and talk to them. But do NOT ever go through their phones and diaries without their permission, in their absence and do not force your child to give you permission to look over your phone either.

Kids, especially teenagers, do need privacy. Their mind is evolving, they question things, try to solve questions, on the journey  to discover themselves, crushes, relationships and sexual preferences, and many more. They need privacy. Everyome does need their own privacy as an individual. Let them close and lock their door. 

Hiring a detective to trace your kid? Well, would not it be expensive? If not detective, then some local people? Good way to frustrate your kid. The kid would get really frustrated because of no privacy. Also kids brought up with helicopter parenting do not know healthy boundaries. They have no or very less knowledge whom to let enter, whom to keep at bay, how much to share about anything (especially personal things) with someone, etc. 

Parents to girl child- "Keep yourself away from boys. Tie them rakhi and make them brothers." Really? Rakhi has some meaning to it. And tell me, how would onengirl develop brother like feelings for a guy she recently met or has been considering him as a friend? And same parents to boy child- "You can have female friends" or maybe they are not given choice to make friends from opposite gender too. They are some pros and cons, just like having friend from same gender has its own pros and cons. Nothing is perfect. Also befriending people from other gender gives you the confidence to talk to people of other gender which will help you in your professional life later (you can miss out on that if you are not surrounded and have atleast 1-2 friends from other gender), will help you see perspective from other gender, they call tell you the thinking and intentions of people from other gender. If the friends are true, gender, religion, race and all this does not matter. Also the fun and pulling each other's legs must not be forgotten. Let your kids enjoy friendship with people of their own or other gender. Do tell them to be cautious of someone's intentions, but do not force or command your kid to just distance themselves from their friends. Some parents fear that what if friendship turns into love? Well, it might be beautiful relationship for your kid to have both friend and partner in one person. Also, the risk of divorce decreases by 70% if you marry your bestfriend (read it somewhere) which makes sense. I know not all friends are meant to get into relationship, not all would be a happy one. Your kid should get to decide whom they want. If the friendship turns out to be true and beautiful, great! If it don't, your kid would learn a lesson and maybe be able to make better decisions related to making someone friends later. It would hurt, but they might move on. 

When it comes to relationships, especially in teenage, first crush and first love is always unforgettable. It is the crush and love one will remember their whole life. In teenage, the mind and body evolves, and so does starts the crushing and relationships. It is natural. Getting into a relationship in young years, especially teenage years, is not bad. If their partner is right, it will be beautiful and might turn into a happy marriage. If the relationship don't work out, your kid will learn about relationships and maybe able to make right decisions later related to love life. It would hurt but they might move on. It is a win-win situation in many cases. I know that most teenage relationships do not last, as the brain is still developing and they are not totally mature yet. But what is harm in trying? They might have a happy and successful relationship too. Support their relationships. Do not try to break them. They might or might not reveal about their partner for whatever reason, do not make it an issue. You can try to know their partner. Ask your kid about their partner (if they have revealed to you). Let your kid and their partner have their own privacy. You need privacy with your spouse, so do they with their boyfriend/ girlfriend. 

Respect your kid's/kids' privacy just like you would want yours to be respected. Do not be strict with your child. Being strict at some things like not spoiling your kid with money, keeping them away from any bad habits, from any bad values, punishing them (not violence of any kind) if they get into crime like bullying, body shaming or sexually harrassing anyone (this deserves really hard punishment by law) is understandable. 

Do not be strict with them. Only when it is necessary. Try to be relevant with younger generation. Your kid might open to you hoping you mighy understand some things. Generation gap will always be constant, I know and they might not share each and every personal things with you and that's totally ok. Strict parenting can make your kid get emotionally and mentally distant fron you, also they would become rebellious. Strict parents create sneaky kids. 

If you want to understand the signs and symptoms and psychological behaviour, follow this YouTube channel- Psych2go

These are some memes and pics I found on internet and social media which are very much relatable. I do not have the sources of all these pics, so  default source is google and Instagram. 

Translation- When Ranveer Singh in Dil Dhadakne Do said "In this home, everyone speak over the surface. No one talks about actual things with each other" every kid growing up in a desi family felt that.